T'was The Night Before Christmas
by The Hoodie
Summary: Christmas time is rolling around... and Charlie thought he was safe. But when something finds its way into his eggnog, all Hell breaks loose. A silly, stupid, waste of time drabble oneshot about Eppes revenge.


**Title: T'was The Night Before Christmas... **

**Disclaimers: Sadly, Numb3rs is not my property nor will it ever be.  
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**Summary: Christmas time is rolling around... and Charlie thought he was safe. But when something finds its way into his eggnog, all Hell breaks loose. A silly, stupid, waste of time drabble oneshot about Eppes revenge.**

**Warnings: Corniness and cheesy storylines ahead! BEWARE.**

Don let a pent-up breath out and ran his hand through his hair. He took the exit to Pasadena. Hey, it was Charlie's idea for him to come over, so Don took him up on it. After a rough day at work, he really just wanted to get away. The traditional Christmas pranks were ensuing at the office. After his cubicle had been fully adorned with garland, ornaments and Christmas decorations, Don knew that he had to retaliate with full forces. The small, twinkling little star that sat contently on his computer monitor was the last straw. Even though all his teammates denied involvement in the matter, he knew better. He was busy contemplating the best way to get revenge on Megan, Colby, David, and Liz.

As visions of green and red water balloons and wreaths and pine needles danced through his head, Don smiled mirthlessly to himself, eager for retribution. _Well,_ he thought. _You know what they say: Revenge is a dish best served cold._

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T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house...

Wait a moment.

Charlie's hand paused on the chalkboard.

It _wasn't _the night before Christmas.

He set the chalk down on and exited the garage to enter the kitchen. Charlie's face suddenly burst into a wide smile as he opened a bottle of water. _I wonder what Don thought of his desk? _he mused. After hearing about the annual pranks the FBI teams played on each other, Charlie couldn't resist. After sufficient advice from Megan, Larry, Amita and a drunk Charlie met at a bar, he had decided to over decorate Don's cubicle. That was, after he had stuffed gingerbread men into his desk drawers and setting a Christmas desktop on his computer.

Charlie took a sip of water and set it down on the kitchen table. Alan had left for the weekend to visit grandma Joan. Somehow, through a miracle from God, or just a an enormous amount of smooth talking on Charlie's part, he escaped from the horrid presence of Joan. Now he had the whole house to himself and his Cognitive Emergence Theory. _Ah, sweet blissful math..._

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Charlie turned into the garage again and saw the plug that sat alone on the cement floor. He squatted and plugged into an outlet. He knew he couldn't see it, but the lights on the outside of the house had just flipped on.

Don pulled into the driveway of Charlie's house. As he stepped outside, he marveled at the magnificence of winter. It was so eerily quiet. Not a creature was stirring, not even... wait... _What was that? Oh, just a mouse..._ Don approached the door as blinding neon lights surged to life above his head.

Don jumped back but rolled his eyes at himself. It was just Charlie turning on the Christmas lights. Don scowled as he viewed the lights. Christmas lights were supposed to go with snow, but that never happened in LA. Oh well, it was Charlie's house after all. Don again stepped up to the great wooden door and opened it.

'Chuck?' Don asked, removing his jacket. Don heard a faint answer from the garage and then there arose a clatter. Don sprang from the door and dashed to the garage.

'Charlie? You alright?' He asked concerned as Charlie stumbled up from the ground.

'Ya... I slipped on the... dammit, why is there an ornament in here?' Charlie sighed and picked up the round and shiny red ornament. He walked into the kitchen and set it down on table.

'What are you doing here?' Charlie asked casually, but Don caught a hint of something suspicious in his voice. He looked Charlie over, squinting his eyes before answering.

'You invited me, remember? You said Tuesday that I should come over Friday... It's Friday.'

Charlie opened his mouth and nodded. '_Ohhhhh_, yeah. I forgot.' Charlie visibly relaxed. _God, I thought he figured out about the prank... _Charlie didn't want to risk wrath.

'Well, you know, I have to host a seminar tomorrow on combinatorics. I'll have to turn in early.' Charlie answered, fishing for some kind of excuse to make sure Don never figured out it was him who decked out his office. The truth was, he _did_have a seminar tomorrow, but Charlie never paid attention to curfews or bedtimes. He probably would have been up into the wee hours if Don had not shown up.

Don nodded uncertainly. 'Okay. That's fine. Have you had dinner?'

Charlie shook his head.

'Alright, well let's see what Dad left us.' Don opened the fridge and almost died at the sight before his eyes.

_Oh. My. GOD._

Before his eyes, his very own eyes, Don beheld the most horrific sight he had ever witnessed in all his years as a seasoned FBI agent.

_Gingerbread men!_

_WHY THAT NO GOOD- I'm gonna kill him. It was Charlie. It was Charlie_. Don eyes flicked back to Charlie, who was going through the mail pile on the table. He apparently had not noticed that Don had found the... the evidence.

_Just as good..._ Don thought wickedly. Oh, he would have his revenge after all...

'How 'bout we just order in, Chuck?' Don asked casually.

Charlie didn't even look up from the mail. 'Ya, that sounds good.'

Twenty minutes later, Don and Charlie sat in the dining room eating out of Chinese take-out boxes.

'So,' Don began conversationally. 'How was school today?'

_I can't believe Don is so dumb! _Charlie thought. _I thought for sure he would have known it was me after his team said they didn't do it..._

'Good, nothing out of the ordinary... You?'

'Oh, oh I had an interesting day.' Don began, leaning back in his chair, savoring every moment of this. 'Apparently David decided to pull a Christmas prank.'

Charlie tried to feign shock, but he found it hard not to burst out laughing. 'So what'd you get this year?' He tried to ask as lightly as possible.

'He put garland and ornaments and shit all over my cubicle. He even put gingerbread men in my drawers.' Don sighed. 'I'm gonna kill him.'

Charlie let out a small sigh. _Wow, Don IS dumb._

'Well, they say a good defense is a good offense.' Charlie stated ambiguously.

'Mm-hm.' Don said and picked a piece of General Tso's Chicken.

_This is war. _He thought.

'You know what,' Charlie said as he stood up. 'I think I've got some eggnog in the fridge. IT is pretty close to Christmas. Want some?'

Don saw the situation as it came to him. 'Ya, that'd be nice.'

As Charlie left the room, he frantically scavenged his brain for a way to distract Charlie for a minute. _Think think think think, Don. You can stop a criminal but you can't stop your brother? _

Don smiled to himself as his plan formed perfectly in his mind. _You are a genius, Don._ Don stood up and entered the kitchen where Charlie was pouring some eggnog from a carton. He casually glanced at the carton.

_Non-alcoholic. _

_Perfect._

'Hey, Charlie, Larry just called me asking for you. He said for you to call him back as soon as physically possible.' Don said nonchalantly.

Charlie finished pouring the glass. 'Oh? You don't mind if I go call him back, do you?'

'Not at all,' Don answered, trying to mask his giddiness.

'I'll be right back...' Charlie left the room and picked up his cell phone from the living room table. That was odd, why didn't Larry just call his cell phone? Why did he call Don's? Maybe Charlie hadn't heard it ring... Oh well. Charlie tried to shrug off the nagging feeling as he dialed Larry's newly-bought cell phone.

In the kitchen, Don scrambled to work. Away to the cabinet he flew like flash, fishing out the hidden bottle of whiskey.

_I love you, Dad. _Don thought of his father, who was the only one who even liked whiskey. Eggnog was strong enough stuff that you couldn't even taste anything if you added it.

_You are amazing, Don. _He thought to himself as he tipped a liberal amount of the Jack Daniels into Charlie' glass of yellowish eggnog. Don fought back a chuckle as he assured he would get the unaltered eggnog.

Charlie returned just as soon as Don had put the whiskey back.

'Larry said he didn't call me...' Charlie scowled. 'Are you sure it was him?'

'Uhh,' Don hadn't got this far in his plan. Time to improvise. 'I don't know, maybe it was a student, I just thought it sounded like Larry. Guess not.'

Charlie shrugged and returned to the counters where the eggnog glasses rested. 'Oh well. Here you go.' Just as expected, Charlie gave Don the normal eggnog. Charlie himself picked up the spiked one.

Tipping the glasses at each other, both brothers brought the glasses to their lips.

After a few minutes, both were finished.

'To Christmas pranks,' Don toasted ever so quietly.

'What was that?' Charlie asked, his voice louder than usual.

Don smiled visibly. 'Nothing, Chuck, why don't you just have a gingerbread man?'

'Why, you know what? That shounds great!' Charlie exclaimed, already feeling the effects of the strong whiskey.

Don opened the fridge and pulled one of the wretched gingerbread men out. 'Merry Christmas, Chuck.'

_Charlie walked down the stairs through the house. The fireplace was ablaze and stockings rested above the flames. The house was quiet. Alan was asleep on the couch peacefully. Suddenly a crash came from outside and Charlie ran to the nearest window. Outside, the full moon illuminated the yard. _

_'Oh my God. Santa.' Charlie said as Santa and his reindeer landed on the roof. Charlie heard the clattering of hooves as a pop! issued from the fireplace. Charlie spun around to look at the fireplace. Suddenly he screamed. _

_The man standing outside the fireplace was dressed in a Santa suit and hat. It was Santa, but it was Don! He bent down to the Christmas tree and started picking up the presents underneath it. He shoved them into his big red bag like a thief. _

_'STOP! THOSE ARE OUR PRESENTS!!!' Charlie yelled as he tackled Santa. _

_'WHAT THE HELL?! Shut up Chuck!' _

'STOP!!! OUR PRESENTS!!! **SANNNNTAAAAA!**' Charlie awoke screaming. He felt arms on him, shaking him awake. Charlie rolled over and found himself on the floor of the living room. He immediately felt a horrible throbbing in his head and felt the sudden urge to vomit.

'Son!? Charlie, what's wrong?' Charlie found the swirling image of Alan cascading before his face.

'OhmyGodSantastoleallourpresentsbutDonwasreallySanta!' Charlie said in a rush. He looked around the room. It was dark and Don was nowhere to be seen. The fireplace was not lit and there were no stocking above it.

'Where am I?' Charlie slurred as he struggled to a sitting position.

Alan frowned at his youngest. 'What happened to you Charlie? Are you drunk?'

'I don't think shoooo...' Charlie said, watching the world do a merry-go-round about him. 'Where'sh Don?'

'Probably sleeping, which is what you should be doing.' Alan looked upset to Charlie.

'Dad... I think I'm gonna...' Charlie stumbled to his feet and ran as fast as his body would to the bathroom as he vomited into the toilet.

Alan stood outside the door and listened to Charlie wretch. He sighed. What had Charlie gotten himself into?

After the contents of his dinner had left his body, Charlie felt a little sobered up. How did he get drunk? He didn't remember drinking anything. In fact, he didn't remember much of anything. The last memory he could think of was eating a gingerbread man that... that Don gave him.

A gingerbread man. Don.

_The Christmas prank!_

Two and two merged in Charlie's mind as he realized what had happened. Don had known. He had known all along. It must have been the gingerbread men that made Don realize it was Charlie who had pranked him. _Of course! _How did he forget to dispose of the extras!? Charlie groaned as he vomited again.

Then Don must have gotten him wasted somehow... but how?

The call from Larry!

_Of course_. Don had distracted him as he must have spiked his eggnog. He thought it had tasted exceptionally bitter, but he didn't want to complain. Charlie growled and stood up to a dizzying world. He was going to kill Don. Kill. Him.

'Whoa, Charlie, hold on.' Alan steadied his son and studied his expression. It wasn't confusion anymore, it was realization.

'Don.' was all Charlie said.

'How's it goin' Chuck?' Don answered as he approached Charlie. 'I heard you had a rough night.'

Alan realized that this was some kind of silly game or prank between them. _I miss being young and stupid_. He thought as he left his sons.

'What?' Charlie asked, the effects of the hangover still troubling him.

'Wow, I wonder what Larry will think when he hears what you said about him.' Don said, grinning mischievously and leaning against the wall.

Charlie's eyes widened. He had never been a good drunk. Well, what he meant was that he always made a fool of himself when he got drunk. He always said things that came back to bite him in the butt or made him look like a complete idiot.

'Whaddya mean?' Charlie asked. He could only hope he didn't call Larry a hippie or anything that would damage their relationship.

Don mock frowned and shook his head. 'I wonder what the team will think when I tell them what you said about Colby.'

'But most of all,' Don said, smirking evilly at the horror-stricken face of his brother. _Oh, yes, revenge was so sweet, so satisfying. _'I wonder what Amita will say when she hears you declared your undying love for me last night.'

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**A/N- Sorry, I got bored and this is the outcome. Silly stupidness, really, but I needed a break from 'Only One'. It's hard to stay focused on a sad and serious story for too long. I needed some randomness, please don't be angry I'm wasting my time with this rather than Only One. Thanks for reading if you got this far, because this story is really just silliness!**

**In case anyone wanted to know, there are random lines of the original Twas the Night Before Christmas poem thrown in for good measure. And Charlie's dream follows the poem storyline. **


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